3 Things You Need to Know Before Getting Married
2014 June 13. | Szerző: shannon
I can feel the veins in my neck bulging.
The veins in my neck never bulge. I’m the guy who internalizes everything — no matter how much the circumstance warrants a reaction (for better or worse).
The more she explains how my negligence in our relationship makes her feel, the more I want to jump in my truck and spend the weekend alone on the open road — neglecting our relationship.
Instead, we resort to our increasingly popular nightcap. I walk out, slamming the door behind me for dramatic effect. She crawls under the covers, in tears — but not before setting up her wall of pillows down the middle of the bed, just to remind me, when I do come to sleep, that things are not okay.
We were 18 months in and though our first year was bliss, pillow walls were now becoming our norm.
We weren’t supposed to be the ones in a perpetual fight.
We were the couple who highlighted and dog-eared our marriage books. My wife was still my dream. Yet, something was missing. We both felt it. And we both wondered why.
As we explored the growing deficiency, we kept coming back to a handful of misconceptions we brought into our marriage. Our growing frustrations. Our screaming matches that were becoming ritualistic. Our doubts. They all could be traced to our misguided ideas about marriage and their inability to support the very unnatural art of loving another person.
Needless to say, a little foresight could have saved us a couple of hard nights early on in marriage. So in lieu of slammed doors and pillow walls, here are three things everyone needs to know before they marry.
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1. HAPPILY EVER AFTER ISN’T THE POINT.
As soon as we’re able to understand bedtime stories, Cinderella and her friends tell us love is about happiness. Hollywood eventually takes up Cinderella’s campaign, inundating us with the idea that marriage — and sex — is our gateway into happily ever after.
But what if I told you happily ever after isn’t the point?
It doesn’t take long into matrimony for most of us to realize Disney and Hollywood were full of it. At that point, our frustration with Cinderella is only rivaled by the disillusionment we feel in our marriages.
Our modern obsession with being happy often makes it far more natural for us to love happiness more than we ever love another human. And though being happy is a very real by-product of a healthy relationship, the value we put on personal happiness is so inflated, its causing us to miss one of the more beautiful purposes of marriage. The ancient Hebrew culture, on the other hand, didn’t seem to miss this purpose. The language even highlights and unpacks this ideal for us.
In Hebrew, the word used for marriage actually means “Fire.” And not-so-coincidentally, fire is also the element used throughout ancient Hebrew culture to represent personal reformation. In this light, marriage (and its necessary friction) is seen less as a doorway to happily ever after and more as a tool in divine hands to help us become increasingly beautiful — increasingly our best and brightest selves.
2. GOOD CONSUMERS MAKE BAD LOVERS.
I couldn’t wait to get married. Of course, I loved my wife and couldn’t see my future with anyone else. Yet I was mostly looking forward to the perpetual slumber party, saying goodbye to the awkwardness of singlehood, and (obviously) the endless, mind-blowing sex.
And with that, I became a perfect illustration of another misguided modern mentality towards marriage.
Many of our ideas of love lead us to, consciously or subconsciously, begin and end the conversation with what marriage can do for us. Sadly, this me-centricity has a way of neutering the beauty of marriage — taking a relationship designed for giving and making it all about getting.
Yet again, the Hebrew language seems to bring a certain light to our modern ideas. The Hebrew word for love — ahava — has little to do with what one feels or receives. To the contrary — ahava — is actually a verb that means “I give.” As it turns out, love is not the fleeting butterflies we get when looking into the eyes of our significant other. It’s not something we fall into when dating. It’s far simpler — and far wilder — than all of that. It’s the everyday choices we make — big or small — to give to our spouse.
It’s taking out the trash.
It’s actively choosing to give him space when he is stressed.
It’s a text message, mid-afternoon, to tell her you can’t stop thinking about her.
It’s the choice to not react to something he said, but asking what he meant and how it makes him feel, instead.
It’s the time you’re late for a meeting, but run back inside to tell your wife — who you know adores being told — how much she means to you that day.
It’s the painful routine of taking the 3:00 a.m. newborn feeding shift so your wife can finally have three hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Love is not the fairy-tale beginnings as much as it is the small, mundane — but generous — things we do for each other every day. And as we begin to orient ourselves to this brand of love that requires us to show up continually, we’re sure to discover the beautiful paradox that it is.
3. LOVE IS A JOURNEY — NOT A FREE FALL.
“We fell in love and got married.”
This was certainly my story. After a few stomach butterflies and a handful of DTRs (Define the Relationship), I thought my wife and I had arrived at the much-sought-after phenomenon of being in love. It was no wonder I expected all the benefits of love on Day One of our marriage.
You know the benefits I’m talking about. The trusted friendship. The happy partnership. The ongoing romance.
But anyone who has experienced marriage knows that though these benefits are very real perks of love, they don’t come for free.
Trust requires trust-building circumstances over time.
True companionship comes from years of conversation.
And romance? Well, the kind of romance that doesn’t fade only comes from being intentional over the long haul.
Many of us get married and immediately expect to reap the rewards of love and quickly learn that true love isn’t something we fall into. This state of “Love” (and all of its benefits) is developed over years of learning to relate to one another — it’s a journey.
A friend of mine recently attended a small gathering after a frustrating fight with his wife. As they went around the circle introducing themselves, he announced they had been married five years. A woman, almost cutting them off, blurted out, “five years? Oh, you guys are only kindergarteners.”
Suddenly, my friends frustrations with his marriage disappeared. As he thought about the woman’s simple but profound comment, he realized: everybody expects kindergarteners to occasionally act childish, be selfish, and throw tantrums. Perhaps he should cut himself and his wife some slack in his marriage.
We can’t expect to microwave love, and can’t assume our spouse or our marriage will offer all the benefits of love on Day One.
Marriage, with its everyday equation of radical proximity to another human is never going to fit nicely into our neat boxes of formulas and principled ideals. I get it. And, regardless of what we know before we get married or not, it is always going to have a way of stretching us — many times to the brink of wanting to give up. But perhaps with every misguided idea about marriage we replace with a more timeless one, the more natural the very unnatural art of loving another person becomes.
Alia Bhatt In Kenneth Cole Short Dress
2014 June 4. | Szerző: shannon
Alia Bhatt was seen in a monochrome dress by designer Kenneth Cole. The actress who loves to look different and unique was spotted in this lovely number for a talk show that will be aired on July 14. Alia Bhatt in this short dress looked just amazing. Recently, we saw Alia Bhatt in one of her upcoming movie promotions where she had a nasty wardrobe malfunction. The young and bubbly actress showed off her white knickers through a sheer patiala pant when Varun Dhawan lifted her leaving her embarrassed.
Alia Bhatt in this Kenneth Cole allex, fit and flare short dress looked chic and pretty. What we liked most about the short dress worn by Alia Bhatt was the flare at the hemline which matched her nature. The bodice of Alia Bhatt’s dress was designed in such a way that it hid her tummy (though she has a flat toned tummy). It was sleeveless, showing off her flawless skin and her perfect complexion.
To make this look all the more interesting, Alia Bhatt’s Kenneth Cole monochrome dress was paired up with Kenneth Cole silver pointed heels. The shoes were of a perfect match with her dress and we are glad she did not opt for a black pair as it would not have given out this contrast in colours. The Dior earrings were indeed an eye-catcher with the Kenneth Cole flared dress Alia Bhatt wore. She completed the monochrome look with an Atelier Mon ring on her index finger. With little accessories to go with the Kenneth Cole black dress worn by Alia Bhatt, it was a perfect look she gave us of herself. Her hairstyle too was plain as her soft brown beach curls lay gently over her shoulders at all times. Do you like Alia Bhatt look in Kenneth Cole’s monochrome short flared dress or you prefer to see her in Indian attires?
Matthew Williamson and Azza Fahmy get bejewelled
2014 May 30. | Szerző: shannon
You wouldn’t normally associate Egyptian jewellery designer Azza Fahmy with British designer Matthew Williamson. But in the world of fashion, where strange bedfellows can sometimes make great business and creative sense, theirs is a match-up that’s already creating quite the buzz.
The pair recently launched their second jewellery collaboration in Dubai, coming off a successful first line launched in September last year.
“I guess the stars just aligned,” smiles Williamson, pointing to a necklace featuring a strand of stars, one of the items in the 21-piece fine jewellery collection. “We were approached by Azza’s team about a year and half ago and it was an easy decision because of what she does. I loved her skill and her expertise in a field I know little about. So it was nice to move out of my comfort zone and advise and bring my spirit to the collection.”
Created to complement Williamson’s fall-winter 2014 collection, the Azza Fahmy x Matthew Williamson range is sold exclusively at Bloomingdale’s Dubai.
The second collection, says the Manchester-born designer, is “much more thought through from start to finish.”
“This collection was about making something specific that would work with our collaboration,” he says. “So I looked at 70s interiors. I came across these beautiful black and white pictures, which looked like it could still be cool today, and in the middle of the lounge there was this tapestry rug with stars and I decided to make the clothes imagining who the woman was that lived in that home and curating the wardrobe for her. The next stage was the jewellery.”
Fahmy, a Hollywood red-carpet favourite, is no stranger to designer collaborations, having worked with Welsh designer Julien Macdonald and London label Preen. Williamson’s aesthetic of bright colours, electric prints and laid-back hippy chic was the perfect starting point for a new collection, she says.
“They showed me his work and how he designs his clothes and prints and I thought ‘this man who takes care of all this and all this research must be good,” she says. “For me it’s all about mixing the past and the future. I am very connected to culture but I’ve always tried to make things contemporary… take from the past and make it alive and wearable.
“For instance, inside some of the stars, you will find filigree work,” she explains, referring to the delicate metalwork popular in Asian jewellery-making. “It’s about successfully bridging those two worlds.”
Fahmy, who opened her first boutique in Cairo in 1981, credits her daughter Amina, who’s now the creative director, for helping keep her namesake fine jewellery brand in relevance.
“She completely changed my perspective about jewellery. How, for instance, to put these contemporary pieces and mix them with culture and art,” she says. But it was Fahmy’s rich catalogue of heritage-inspired work that caught Williamson’s attention.
“With this collection, what we were keen to do was take all that history and the craftsmanship and the skill that Azza knows so well and infuse it with something that she might not usually do,” he says.
Both designers have a strong following in the Middle East, a direct result of their creative inspirations: Williamson is known for his strong Asian references while Fahmy, who trained in the Egyptian way of making jewels, has found her fame spread beyond the Arab world.
Dubai is the perfect setting for their collaboration to blossom, they say.
“It is now the centre of fashion in the Arab world. A lot of people coming from everywhere and it makes sense for us,” says Fahmy.
“It’s a logical place for both of us. It’s the middle of the world isn’t it?” echoes Williamson.
Though non-committal on a third collection, the pair say designer collaborations need to be always properly thought through.
“You make a calculated decision, and you take each one as it comes,” says Williamson. “Sometimes it’s for purely creative reasons, sometimes it’s creative and financial and sometimes it’s the media buzz. Or it could be a mix of all three. You want there to be a sense of every perspective.
“We got something two days ago but it didn’t make sense to me. It’s was a fantastic deal but it makes no sense to collaborate with somebody that we have no synergy with.”
Known for his famous friends, the British designer says that while celebrity endorsements help, it’s not something he or his label actively pursues.
“I don’t work with [celebrities] in a way that it’s a controlled thing. And I don’t pay,” he says. “For me it’s more of a friendship thing with a girl. If it’s the right girl, the right dress, at the right place and the right time, it will work. And when it does, it’s a great brand endorsement.
“But for me it’s always been about personal interaction. I can’t compete with those big brands that have divisions and go ‘who we dressing next?’. We are a cottage industry. So we have to rely on our personal connections. Like Sienna Miller, she’s my best friend so it’s a very organic and personal process.”
Designers have had to become good business people, says Williamson, whose eponymous label has a number of flagship stores including one in Dubai.
“I had to have some understanding [of business]. I like to know,” he says. “But my favourite thing is when someone wears my pieces. I love the beginning of what I do and I love the end. To see it on someone.”
“I’m a really bad business woman,” Fahmy chimes in, laughing. “We have people to take care of that. I’d like to stick to the artistic things.”
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The Rights And Responsibilities Of Every Wedding Guest
2014 May 28. | Szerző: shannon
There is a lot of wedding etiquette for a wedding guest to keep track of, and so many wedding guest missteps are the result of guests simply not knowing better. (We cringe when we think of how long it took us to send back RSVPs in our younger years!) To help you survive wedding season, we’ve put together a list of the rights and responsibilities every wedding guest (and engaged couple!) should know.
You have the responsibility to…
Send in your RSVP by the date requested. It’s so simple, but a surprising amount of guests don’t do this, meaning the couple has to track people down for RSVPs. The invitation typically includes a stamped envelope for the RSVP card, so there’s no excuse for not dropping it in the mail as soon as you know whether you’ll be able to make it.
Actually show up if you RSVP “yes.” The couple has to give a head count to the caterer several days before the wedding, and they are charged for your plate whether or not you actually show up. If you’ve already sent in your RSVP and something comes up, give the couple a call or send them an email to let them know; there may be still time for them to change the count.
Arrive at the ceremony on time. A late guest is a distraction for the couple and the other guests — and just might ruin a meaningful moment. If you arrive late, listen at the door for a song or a break in the action, and then sneak in quietly.
Adhere to any dress codes mentioned on the invitation or wedding website. If the dress code says “semi-formal,” don’t wear jeans. And yes, the old rule of not wearing white to a wedding is still in effect.
Not bring anyone to the wedding who wasn’t specifically invited. Unsure if your guest was invited or not? Here’s how you can tell: if the invitation is only addressed to you, and there’s no mention of “and guest,” then your guest is not invited. Similarly, if the invitation’s inner and outer envelopes are both addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” your children are most likely not invited.
Silence your phone during the ceremony. This should go without saying, but no one should hear a phone vibrating or ringing as he or she says “I do.” If you’re worried about not being able to take a call from your baby-sitter, let him or her know your phone will be off from, say, 3:00-3:30, and to send a text if it’s an emergency. If you notice an urgent text during the ceremony, you can step outside to return the call.
Respect the couple’s wishes with regard to taking photos/sharing photos on social media. If the couple is having an unplugged wedding or has asked that you not put any photos of them on social media, you should respect that.
You have the right to…
Expect a wedding invitation if you receive a save the date. This is pretty standard etiquette, so you can politely ask the couple about it if the wedding date is nearing and you haven’t received an invite yet.
RSVP “no” if you can’t or don’t want to attend. The couple will understand…trust us.
Call or email the couple if you need clarification on any aspect of the wedding. If you’re confused about the plus-one situation or the dress code, feel free to shoot them an email to get answers.
Send a gift after the wedding or not send a gift at all. That’s correct: a gift is not the price of admission at a wedding. And you can send one for up to a year after the wedding; if it’s been several months and now you feel awkward, make it an extra-special holiday gift.
Expect a timely thank you note for any gifts you give. Give them a little time after the wedding to breathe, but if you haven’t received one after a few months, it’s totally fine to ask the couple if they received your gift.
Take advantage of the open bar. As long as you don’t get belligerent or make an embarrassing speech, feel free to let loose.
Bust a move on the dance floor. Couples love when it seems like everyone is having a good time at their wedding, so they’ll appreciate it if you’re the first one on the dance floor and the last one to leave it.
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Varicose veins: Beauty myths exposed
2014 May 23. | Szerző: shannon
Varicose veins can plague of women, especially this time of year when more skin is on show, but do you actually know what they are and how you can treat them?
Veincentre, one of the UK’s leading private health clinics specialising in varicose veins, has seen more than 10,000 patients since opening its doors 10 years ago. Almost all of the clients that visited the clinic had completely misunderstood their condition and were not aware of the options available to them.
The clinic’s lead consultant – Dr David West – has listed the five most common myths surrounding varicose veins and the truth behind these conditions and their treatment.
Myth: Varicose veins is only a problem for women
Truth: 40% of our clients are men. However, they only tend to come to us once the pain has become unbearable. By waiting until this time they are putting themselves at greater risk of developing additional problems. This is not just a ‘female only’ problem and it is definitely nothing to be embarrassed about as it’s so common.
Myth: Varicose veins are only a cosmetic issue i.e. not serious
Truth: Varicose veins, if ignored and left untreated, can actually progress into serious medical conditions including leg pain, swelling, skin damage and ulcers. They may also be a result of (and therefore masking) another underlying problem. Some of our clients had suffered with their varicose veins for over 40 years, either because they were not offered adequate solutions by their GP or simply because they were unaware of the options available.
Their daily lives were seriously affected due to constant pain and discomfort. A lot of them had self-confidence issues, avoiding holidays and summer clothing and some of the more serious cases had been unable to walk or stand for long periods of time.
Myth: Treating varicose veins is expensive
Truth: People are turning to ‘self-pay’ private surgery in response to lengthening NHS waiting lists, some clinicians refusing to treat them on the NHS and escalating costs of private health insurance. However, there is a huge price variation for the same procedures up and down the country.
We would not dream of unnecessarily overcharging our clients and I believe some of the prices being quoted at other clinics are ridiculous. What may cost up to £8,000 at one clinic, we’ll provide the same varicose vein treatment for £1,995 and I’d argue we’d do it to a higher patient satisfaction because all we do are veins.
Cost should not be a barrier for people seeking treatment for their varicose veins. Treatment options should be tailored to patients’ budgets. At Veincentre, we offer payment options to accommodate even the most modest budgets.
Myth: Varicose vein treatment will involve long painful surgery
Truth : Not so with a pioneering new technique called Endovenous Laser Ablation (EVLA), which is recommended by NICE (the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence) as the default treatment for varicose veins.
EVLA is a non-surgical, minimally-invasive procedure with no need for general anaesthetic. The efficiency of this procedure means that many of our patients have their first consultation and treatment at the same time – often lasting no longer than 90 minutes.
Myth: Varicose veins are a problem for old people
Truth: This is not just a problem for older people, your genetics also play a large part in the development of varicose veins. We have had clients as young as 16 suffering with varicose veins and seen children with the condition.
Latest jewellery trends at the Grove Communication press day
2014 May 21. | Szerző: shannon
The 13th May was a truly sparkling day for all fashion and jewellery lovers, as Grove Communication held their A/W 2014 press day. At the agency’s press day we got to see all the beautiful sparkling accessories of the season. Some of the brands represented were Cred Jewellery, Victoria Tryon, Bouton, Buckley London and Atwood and Sawyer.
Award-winning ethical jewellery label Cred Jewellery has introduced its Festival collection, just in time for the festival season. The pieces feature bohemian feather pendants, which is continuously in trend after Coachella this year, hard rock style skull ‘n’ bone charms and more romantic styles, also. Our favourites are the pastel-coloured friendship bracelets to seal those once in a lifetime moments.
Another stand-out at the press day was London-based jewellery brand Buckley London. The costume and fashion jewellery brand’s latest Acorn collection symbolises prosperity, youthfulness and power, all in the iconic symbol of the acorn. The pieces are a great addition to the season’s ever-growing pastel trend and make sure to bring a hint of playfulness into any outfit. The cheerful motif can be found on trendy leather bracelets, stylish rose gold necklaces and elegant drop earrings. Other pieces to look out for from Buckley London were the eternally elegant “Evie” bracelet and charm.
Lauren Conrad’s Skincare Secret
2014 May 17. | Szerző: shannon
Lauren Conrad knows a thing or two about beauty. The reality-star turned fashion designer is always on point when it comes to the latest hair crazes (remember her pink dip dyed locks?) and new make-up magic (she is, after all, the face of Mark cosmetics).
And we can’t help but notice that she always has the most glowing, healthy looking skin!
While we are sure her blissful engagement to her love of over two years, William Tell, might have something to do with her recent radiance, we just had to know the real secret behind her skincare routine. So we chatted with HydroPeptide National Account Trainer Jayna DiMartino and found out the key products behind Lauren’s lovely complexion.
“Lauren Conrad’s go-to Peel: Anti-Wrinkle Polish & Plump Peel is the perfect date night peel, as it gives you the most amazing ,dramatic results without any downtime,” says Jayna “Peel 1 is two ingredients: 15% vitamin C to lighten, brighten and tighten, and microdermabrasion oxygenating crystals that create a manual exfoliation to lift dead skin cells.”
Want to try it out yourself? Follow Jayna’s easy steps below.
1.Start off by applying Peel 1, gently rubbing in a circular motion for 1 to 2 minutes.
2. Leave on the skin and then apply one pump of Peel 2, which is the activator that gives you that nice, gentle chemical exfoliation with 5% lactic acid, vitamin C, botox-like peptides, plumping, volumizing and lifting peptides, with Echinacea and chamomile to soothe the skin.
3. Work this into the skin for another 1 to 2 minutes and then rinse.
“It can be used once or twice a week. Skin will be left looking brighter, feeling softer, more even-toned and supple. Perfect before a night on the town,” says Jayna.
5 reasons herbal products may not be really safe after all!
2014 May 15. | Szerző: shannon
Herbal products derived from plants are widely used in several countries, especially India and they continue to gain popularity among consumers. But consumers need to know that there are very few valid medical studies on the herbal products which are actually safe. It is difficult identifying chopped, processed herbs or plant mixtures, variability in the toxic constituents of a plant, nomenclature, adulteration and establishing the chronic toxic potential of a plant.
1. When it comes to herbal medicines, there are a lot of contaminants that can make their way into a product – heavy metals may find their way into the plants through the water used in irrigation or the soil in which the plants grow.
2. Microorganisms grow better in the presence of organic matter obtained from plant and animal sources and they can contaminate the product. There may be pesticide residues that have found their way into the plant material and then, into the product.
3. Sometimes, improper storage may lead to chemical degradation of one of the components in the herbal formulation and toxic substances may be produced.
4. Occasionally, an unscrupulous manufacturer may add in a less expensive substitute for a particular herb. This substitute may have similar physical appearance to the herb prescribed in the recipe, but it will obviously interfere with the product’s ability to elicit the desired therapeutic effects.
5. It is common knowledge that most herbal remedies take longer to act as compared to allopathic medicines; so an unprincipled manufacturer may resort to mixing in allopathic medicines into a herbal product in order to make it appear fast-acting and increase its popularity. Sometimes, inadvertent adulteration can occur because of confusion in the vernacular names of some plant sources.
Over time, drug regulatory authorities have woken up to the need for standardisation of herbal products. Recognising that close to 80% of the world’s population still relies on traditional systems of medicine for their healthcare needs; the World Health Organization has specified guidelines to be followed by manufacturers to ensure they make pure herbal products of good quality. If there is one myth this discussion has cleared up, it is this – ‘herbal’ should not be read as a synonym for ‘safe’. Only when the manufacturer of a herbal product is deeply committed to providing quality medicines will we have the confidence to consume such products without any qualms.
This Woman Quit Her Corporate Job To Fulfill Her Lifelong Passion For Cakes
2014 May 8. | Szerző: shannon
Late last year, baker Nikki Lee of the Sydney, Australia cake shop Unbirthday took a leap of faith and left her corporate sales job in order to pursue her passion for sweets full-time.
It wasn’t that she was unhappy at her previous job. In fact, Lee worked for a great company, respected her managers and valued the integrity of the work. But she wasn’t wholly satisfied.
“Although I was happy in my job and doing all the things that ticked ‘success’ boxes, I knew I would always be settling for the easy path if I didn’t choose to bake,” she told The Huffington Post in an email. “I would have these beautiful, styled pictures of cakes and desserts cut out from magazines and pinned to my cubicle walls at work, reminding me that what I was ultimately working towards was having the time and space to be able to get into my baking.”
In April, Lee’s fiancé Thomas posted a photo of one of her confections to Reddit, writing, “Fiancé who quit her job to follow her dream just completed her first wedding cake commission.” The photo of the wedding cake (see right) garnered more than 2,500 upvotes on the site, and one commenter called it “the prettiest cake I’ve seen.”
How’s that for validation? Lee opened up to HuffPost Weddings recently about her life-changing decision.
What was the moment that you finally decided to quit your job and start Unbirthday? Was there one specific event that pushed you over the edge?
I have always been a big believer in pursuing personal passions, whether it be in your career or as a hobby. You could say “The Moment” came when I did my yearly evaluation of my life, something that I do in September around my birthday every year. I give themes to each year — for example, my 30th year was the “Year of Full Engagement”. Thirty-one was the “Year of Learning and Practice”.
I decided my 32nd year would be the “Year of Wholeheartedness.” I took the time to question what this meant for me, and what it would look like if I was living my life “wholeheartedly”. I decided it was important to immerse myself in doing things that I truly loved. Cake-creating was one of those things that I knew I had to do if I was really honest with myself. I also felt strongly that I was at a crossroads in my life — that I could stick to corporate work and climb the ladder, or I could let that idea of myself go and explore my creative side. I also saw this year as a small window of time where I had no major financial obligations in the form of a mortgage or any children that were relying on me, so I could afford to focus my energies on this process.
How long had you been dreaming of pursuing baking full-time?
Since I was a kid! Unbirthday is me as an adult fulfilling what I wanted to do as a child. I remember not wanting dolls or dresses for Christmas, but would dream of the day I would own my own cake mixer.
What role did your fiancé play in your decision? Was he supportive?
Thomas just proposed last week! He was a true supporter of me and still is to this day. He posted my photos on Reddit as a surprise. He keeps me grounded every day, but still pushes me to fly. He continually checks in with me to see how everything is going, always encouraging me forward. He’s happy to be my taste tester for new creations, and actually volunteers to clean up the kitchen while I work. A girl couldn’t ask for more in a partner!
How did other people in your life (friends, family) react when you told them that you quit your job?
They were supportive and are also used to me making these kinds of life-changing decisions. I dropped out of university when I was 19 to start my own graphic design business. My parents freaked out, and in hindsight, I understand why! I was young and overly confident, thinking I was invincible in my twenties. But that was the time in my life to do some invaluable learning and pick up some fantastic life skills that I wouldn’t have learned if I went down a more conventional path.
What was your biggest fear about going out on your own?
The most difficult thing was sharing something that was quite personal to me with others. This surprised me a lot, as my last role required me to make cold calls to prospective clients and sell them things. I know a lot of people would rather die than do that, but I loved it and found it easy. With Unbirthday, yes, I am selling cakes, but it is also a form of personal and creative expression which I initially felt quite self-conscious about showing others.
The other hard part was letting go of how I identified myself professionally. I went from being a corporate business development manager to a baker. It made me realize how much we identify and judge people based on what is written on their business cards. Shedding my old identity was hard, but it kept me true to my intentions.
I believe everyone has got their own version of “Unbirthday” somewhere, bubbling away under the surface. I just wanted to make sure that I was able to tell myself that I had given my dreams a real chance, regardless of what the outcome would be. One of my favorite sayings is, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” This is my mantra for life and Unbirthday.
What does your typical day look like since you started Unbirthday?
I wake up early when I can, and do a round of tai chi training with my father (both my parents are tai chi instructors). Then, I’ll either be fulfilling orders or experimenting with new ideas for cakes. I work from my kitchen at home, so it’s quite relaxing with very little pressure.
Was leaving your other job worth the risk?
Yes, without a doubt. It’s one of those things that I can check off my life’s to-do list — nothing more satisfying than that!
The case for eating what we want
2014 June 19. | Szerző: shannon
Society has an eating disorder.
Food may be central to our health, but what we eat, how much, and when is endlessly discussed, debated and politicised. We’re eating too much, or not enough, and our attempts to become healthier are often misguided as we too readily place our trust – and our money – in diet books, celebrities, and proponents of pseudoscience.
But what would happen if we started ignoring the food and diet debates and started trusting ourselves?
In response to the well-documented failure of low-calorie diets to help people lose weight in the long-term; the potential for dieting to lead to disordered eating; and the physical and psychological harm that yo-yo dieting can cause, some people are turning to a dietary approach known as ‘intuitive eating,’ or IE.
It’s a way of eating based on three simple principles – eating when hungry; stopping when full; and eating anything unless medical reasons forbid it. Individuals are encouraged to abandon dieting behaviours such as restraint and conscious control of food intake, and are instead encouraged to listen to internal cues for hunger, fullness and the types of food the body needs to feel nourished.
Because there are no rules with IE, a lot of the backlash associated with breaking a diet is lost, says dietician and a doctoral candidate in Public Health Prevention Science at Kent State University in the US, Julie Schaefer. She led a study published in The Journal of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics recently that reviewed health interventions that promote eating by listening to internal cues.
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“Intuitive eating is associated with body appreciation, optimism, and life satisfaction,” she says. “We found individuals who undergo an IE intervention improve body satisfaction, depression, self-esteem, and anxiety.
“Resolving this psychological distress and mental struggle with food and body image is a big step for individuals who struggle with these issues.”
You may be thinking that IE sounds pretty much like ‘normal’ eating. And this is sometimes what IE is called.
The problem is, so many of us don’t know how to eat normally anymore. We are pressured to clean our plates; are triggered to eat by visual cues and smells; endure societal pressure to achieve a certain body type; are too busy and stressed to eat our meals without distractions; and we are constantly told that certain foods are bad, making them more tempting.
“That all interferes with our ability to recognise and respond to internal cues to eat when hungry and stop when full, to view food as health-promoting and enjoyable rather than weight-reducing or weight-gaining agents, and to respect and accept our bodies rather than belittle and criticise them,” Ms Schaefer says.
Dr Nina Van Dyke, director of the Social Research Group at Market Solutions in Melbourne, works with academic research institutes, not for profit organisations and research companies to help them better understand health attitudes and behaviours.
She is lead author on a study conducted alongside Charles Sturt University and published last year in Public Health Nutrition that examined the peer-reviewed literature on relationships between IE and health.
Over the past few decades, ‘normal’ eating has meant following whatever the latest popular diet is, be it cutting out carbs or demonising fat, she says. And while IE isn’t a license to eat as much chocolate and cake as you want, it does encourage those who practice it learn to appreciate that what their body really wants is healthful, nourishing foods most of the time.
“I think the point in calling it ‘intuitive eating’ is to remind us that how and what we eat is better off coming from within us rather than from without,” Dr Van Dyke says.
Her research found IE probably works best for people who have switched their focus away from weight and towards becoming healthy, and those who had truly given up on dieting. In other words – being skinny isn’t the end game but being healthy is.
But like all ways of living, she says IE may not be for everyone, with more research needed to understand who most benefits and how.
Dr Van Dyke’s focus groups found women in particular often ate dinner at times that worked in around their children’s commitments and eating preferences, making IE difficult. People with medical conditions that require them to eat in certain ways, who have hormone imbalances that interfere with their hunger and food cravings, or who have severe eating disorders and difficulties trying to eat intuitively on their own, may also not be suitable for IE.
“This doesn’t mean one can’t shift in an IE direction – but these factors certainly can be barriers and one may need to consciously make changes in order to shift,” Dr Van Dyke says.
“And obviously it won’t work for people who are convinced that this is the next diet that will be the one that turns them into Kate Moss.”
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